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A minute to breathe

Box breathing: breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, breathe out for four and hold again. Four rounds, a little over a minute.

Breathe in

Round 1 of 4

Basic emotion

Anger

Anger rises when boundaries, values or fairness are violated. It gives you the energy to defend yourself and change what isn't right. Anger itself is not harmful: trouble starts when it is stored up until it turns into rage, or taken out on the people nearby.

From mild to intense

  1. Irritation

    Mild

    What it signals

    A background “something bothers me but I haven't named it yet.” An early signal of accumulating fatigue or violated micro-boundaries.

    What to do with it

    Irritation is often about basic needs: sleep, food, quiet, solitude. Before you analyze, check if something simple has been missed.

  2. Anger

    Base

    What it signals

    It speaks of a boundary violated or an injustice accumulated. Underneath it there is almost always a subtler feeling: hurt, fear, or powerlessness.

    What to do with it

    Don't suppress it. Breathe into the diaphragm with 4-7-8, write without censoring (don't send). Then a conversation: what exactly happened, and what do I want to change?

  3. Rage

    Intense

    What it signals

    The maximum response to a violation of a boundary, of dignity, or of a deep value. It needs an outlet or it destroys from the inside.

    What to do with it

    A physical release without an addressee: punch a pillow, scream in a car with the windows up, walk fast. Then: what exactly was violated, and what can I protect?

The opposite emotion

Across the wheel stands fear. Opposite feelings are hard to feel at the same time, and one often helps make sense of the other.