Acts of care
Love in deeds, not words.
Want to know which love language you speak? Twenty pairs of statements, about three minutes.
For you, love is when someone makes your life easier. A dinner cooked, a tap fixed, a household problem solved before you got to it say more than any declaration. You feel that someone looks after you and not everything rests on you. And you probably love the same way yourself, through deeds, sometimes forgetting to say the feelings out loud.
What fills you up
- Someone taking over part of your load
- Help without reminders
- Household problems solved
- Care when you are tired
- Promises kept
What hurts
- Promises never kept
- The whole household resting on you
- Help that comes with reproaches
- “You should have asked” instead of help
How to ask for it
Ask specifically: not “help me more” but “could you pick up the kids on Tuesdays?” or “would you take over the bills?” Many people want to help but don't guess what exactly is needed.
If someone close to you speaks this language
Notice what you can take on, and do it without being reminded. Keep your promises. Help given with irritation or reproach cancels itself out. Sometimes the best gift for a person like this is a free evening, because everything is already done.
Talk about your relationship
Relationships are one of the main themes of my practice. If there is a lot of misunderstanding in a couple, it can be worked through in a session, on your own or together with your partner.
This questionnaire is based on Gary Chapman's book “The Five Love Languages” (1992) and is not the author's official test. Research on love languages is mixed: studies confirm that people express and notice love in different ways, but not that matching languages make a couple happier. Take the result as a reason to talk, not as a rule.