Thinking trap
All-or-nothing thinking
The world is split into black and white. Either a success or a total failure. No middle ground.
How it sounds
- “If I don't do this perfectly, I've completely failed.”
- “We had a fight, so the relationship is bad and it will never work.”
- “One slice of cake and that's it, the diet is blown, no point trying until Monday.”
How to spot it
It gives itself away in words like “perfect”, “total failure”, “ruined”, “all or nothing”. Your verdict jumps from “great” to “awful” with nothing in between, and one setback cancels everything that already went well.
Where it comes from
It is easier for the brain to sort the world into two boxes than to hold all the shades in mind. Stress turns this mode up, and for perfectionists it often becomes a habit: the bar is either cleared or not.
How to get out of it
Try asking yourself
There are shades in between. Partial success is still progress.
A three-step practice
- Swap the yes-or-no verdict for a scale: how well did it go, from 0 to 10?
- Name what actually worked, even just one part.
- Ask yourself: what would I tell a friend who got halfway there?
What to take next
- 2 minAnxietySeven questions about the last two weeks. A short screening doctors use.
- 2 minDepressionNine questions about the last two weeks. A screening doctors use all over the world.
- 2 minPerfectionismDoes the high bar help or hurt? Two scales: what you demand of yourself, and how short you feel you fall.
Based on the classification by Aaron Beck and David Burns (Feeling Good, 1980). This is a self-awareness tool, not a replacement for therapy. If you recognize too much of yourself here and it's getting in the way, that's not something to be ashamed of - it's a reason to come talk.